Thursday, August 04, 2011

A Moment Of Thought

1:10 Am Should Be Sleeping Right Now.. And Even Though I Had My Night Run Just Now But Still I'm Not That Tired And A Combination Of Two Glasses Of Nescafe And A Long Afternoon Nap Makes My Eyes Glare Bright.. A Few Days Ago I Had This Conversation With A Friend And He Told Me Wadi You Better Control Your Anger.. You're Becoming An Angry Man.. And I Had A Deep Thought About Those Words.. Part Of It Is True And Well It Is All True Even Though I Try To Be A Denial Sod About That.. I Just Can't Find A Good Enough Reason To Think Otherwise..

Yes I Am Right Now An Angry Person.. I Just Got Tick Easily.. Yes At Times Things That Happened Around Me Do Spark It All Up.. And Though I Managed To Hold My Tongue But It Shows A Lot Of Traits That If I Don't Deal With It.. I Might Hurt Someone.. Maybe Not By Force But With Words.. To Think About It.. It Might Not Showed At All.. I Do Laugh A Lot Being My Usual Happy Go-Lucky Self But A Quick Reflections And Yes I Swallow A Lot Of My Anger, Dissatisfaction, Frustrations.. You Know The Whole Nine Yards.. And To Be Honest I Haven't Give Myself A Chance To Deal With It.. Especially With My Family Still Recovering From The Shocked At The News Of My Grandma's Illness.. It Is Just Not The Right Time.. Somehow I Managed To Keep It Lock Inside Of Me For Quite Sometimes.. And As Like Every Single Problems We Had In Our Life.. It Will Return.. It Will Make A Comeback For Sure.. This Is How We Dealt With Our Problems In Life.. One At A Time.. And I Think Now Is The Time For Me To Deal With It..

I Seriously Don't Even Know How To Solve It And Maybe Just Maybe.. By Writing It In Here And Letting It Out In My Blog Makes Me Feel A Wee Bit Better.. Then I'm Going For It.. Yeah I'm Single Again.. Who Ever Thought That This Would Happen Again But It Did.. And Both Of Us Have To Move On.. It Is Sad That All My Sacrifices, Patience, Heartache, Stressful Time Of Being With Her Ends Up Like This.. But I Have To End It.. Almost A Year Together But I Just Have To End It.. How Can I Be In A Yo-yo Situation.. Like A Wave Of Emotion Stirring Inside Of Me.. I Just Can't Be In A Stressful Situation Like The One I'm In.. You Can Only Give So Much Patience And Dedication To One Relationship But If I'm Being Treated With Less Respect At Times.. Like I'm Just A Kid.. Like I Haven't Got Any Feelings Then What Is The Point In Staying.. It Is Not Easy That You Keep On Trying To Win Her Trust, Trying To Proof My Sincerity But Over And Over Again It Feels Like I Haven't Been Appreciated At All.. All Those Attitudes And Treatments That I've Been Through At Times Even When I'm Right I'm Still Wrong.. And To Hear She Saying Sorry Time And Time Again Only To Repeat The Same Mistakes Over And Over Again.. It Is Wonder To Myself That I Could Be That Patience And To Stay Faithful To Her..

Why Am I Being That Faithful? Heart Breaks Is To Synonym With Me.. Been In A Relationship Where I Was Accepted By A Family But Apparently Behind My Back My X Was Playing Me Around.. Been Once That I Try So Very Hard To Win One's Heart But One Thing I've Learned.. Even If You Stay By Her Side.. Listen To All Her Troubles.. Try To Wipe Those Tears Away And Makes Her Laugh.. As Good As You Can Ever Be.. But When You Are Not What And Who Her Heart Desires.. You Can Never Ever Be The One.. She Will Always Hope For The One That Makes Her Cry A River.. And At First This Is Not The Case With Her.. She Accepted Me As Much As I Accepted Her.. Introduced Her To My Family And She Won Their Acceptance.. At That Point I Was Ready To Settle Down.. I Was A Happy Man.. I Said To Myself This Is It.. She Is The One.. But News Broke Up.. I Was Not What Her Family Desire.. And I Would Never Won Their Acceptance.. But I Stayed Being Optimistic.. Wishing And Hoping That The Table Would Turn In My Way.. But Even She Might Not Realized.. She Began To Change.. At Times She Was Cold To Me.. I Have To Swallow This Bitter Pill.. At Times I Lose Sleep.. I Woke Up With My Heart Pumping Heavily.. My Mind Wasn't Right.. But I Stayed Even Though She Keeps On Repeating That She Needed Me.. But The Real Reason That I Choose To Stay Is Because I Can't Live Without Her.. She Is Very Much Become A Part Of Me..And That I Couldn't Even Imagine How Hurtful It Was Seeing Her With Somebody Else..

But My Optimism Fast Becoming A Fool's Hope.. And This Time I Just Have To Be Selfish For Myself, My Future, My Happiness And More Importantly My Own Feeling.. I Just Have To Let Her Go.. Probably She Might Say I Broke My Promises.. That I Lied About Loving Her Forever.. And Me Being Mean Of Breaking Her Heart.. But Little Did She Knows That My Heart Has Been Shattered By The All The Bad Things That Her Family Said To Me And All Of Those Cold Treatments She Gave Me.. But So Be It.. If This Way Helps Her To Hate Me And Move On Then So Be It.. And Now She Is Free To Find A Far Better Guy.. To Find And Be In A Relationship That She Wanted It To Be And Maybe Find A Guy That Her Family Would Accept And Think Highly Off.. And As For Myself Well This Is Just Another Sad Ending To Another Chapter In My Life.. Would I Find Someone Else.. I Never Doubt It.. But For Now Lets Enjoy Single Life.. The Fun And The Boring Part Of It.. Insya Allah..

And Now I Feel A Wee Bit Better.. Feels Like A Massive Weight Has Been Remove Off My Shoulder.. And My Heart Doesn't Seems To Hurt That Much.. Thank You Allah.. So Long.. =).. Now I Feel Sleepy Haha
True To The Bone!
RicHteR

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