A Short Conversation With An Old Wise Man

Last Night Had A Short Conversation With An Old Wise Man.. Dad Was Around At That Time As Well.. I Don't Know If U Lot Realized I'm Quite Bitter And Easily Tick Off In Short Bloody Shot Fuse Lately.. I Realized It But Not Matter How Hard I Try To Control It Somehow I Fail.. So I Asked Him I Need Some Help To Control It.. Its Getting Scary.. I Don't Want To Leave It Too Late And I Would Ending Up Hurting Someone Who Don't Deserve It.. He Told Me I've Been Holding Up My Rage For Almost A Year.. He Asked Me To Think Back Hard About What Had Happened For The Past One Year.. Then It Hits Me Back I Really Do Swallowed Up A Lot Of Anger.. Been Keeping A Lot Of Problems To Myself.. That Is Why I've Been Very Bitter.. But What Can I Do.. To Let It Out.. To Whom? I Don't Even Want To Trouble Others With Problem.. And The Amount Of Insult And Such Bullshit That My Parents Received From My Mom's Family Is Just To Much To Bear.. At Times I Just Want To Grab My Car Keys.. Brought A Bat And Drive To Their Home And Smash Their Faces To Pieces Ya Allah Anak Mana Yang Sanggup Mendengar Tangisan Ibunya Di Atas Sejadah Memohon Kepadamu Agar Diberikan Kekuatan Melawan Tohmahan Adik Beradiknya.. Ya Allah Anak Mana Yang Mampu Menahan Amarah Apabila Meliat Ayahnya Yang Selalu Tenang Dan Masih Mampu Ketawa Walaupun Dihina Oleh Tetapi Kini Berubah Muram Dan Menjadi Pendiam.. Tertekan Oleh Sikap Mereka.. Ya Allah Aku Mohon Padamu Kau Kekalkan Kewarasan Dalam Fikiran Ku.. Agar Ku Tidak Melakukan Sesuatu Yang Menambah Beban Kedua Ibu Bapaku.. Its Just Not Fair That Hanya Kerana My Parents Nda Sampai Naik Haji Kerana Masalah Kewangan Pun Diucap Penipu Lah Munafiq Lah.. How I Wish They Come Down To My House And Say It To Our Faces.. Akan Ku Keluarkan Semua Relevant Letters And I'm Gonna Slap Them Silly With It.. Sigh.. Heartless
And This Is Just A Little Bit Of What We Have Been Through.. Mana Lagi My Own Personal Problems That Need Attending But I Can't Talk To My Parents Coz They Already Have Enough.. Sungguh Kerdil Rasa Diri Kan Bila Kitani Seorang Menghadapi Masalah.. How I Wish I Have Someone Right Now At Least Dapat Jua Meminjam Bahu Tempat Merehatkan Kepala Sekajap.. At Least Lapas Jua Pikiran Yang Buntu Buat Seketika.. Awwwww Wadi.. Heh I'm A Human Also Ba.. Sometime Also Can Be Vulnerable Sometime Insecure Ba..
Anyway Back To The Conversation I'm Having.. He Told Me I Need To Let Out Sometimes And More Importantly Think Ahead Of What Will Happen If I Make A Rash Decision, Less Brawn More Brain.. Perbanyakkan Zikir Ketika Marah.. And If I'm In An Angry Situation Try To Walk Away From It And Have Sometime To Gather My Thought.. And Yang Paling Pedas Lagi Di Malam.. Jgn Rumpang Sembahyang Atu.. Sekalinya Rajin Sampai Ke Masjid Berjemaah Sekalinya Malas Rumpang.. Cana Kan Permohonan Lakas Sampai Arah Allah Kalau Sembahyang Pun Rumpang.. And I Thought Cemana Ya Tau Pasal Hal Ani Hahaha.. And He Told Jikalau Anak Sedih Meliat Indung Murung.. Apalagi Perasaan Indung Meliat Anak Durg Sedih Oleh Masalah Durg.. Lagi Kuat Sakitnya.. Jangan Lagi Tambah Sakit Durg.. Tani Sebagai Anak Harus Jadi Penghibur Dan Penguat Hati Durg.. Insya Allah Inda Selamanya Kitani Akan Dihina & Dicaci.. Dan Tani Harus Ingat Bila Tani Dipuji Jgn Pulang Tani Alpa Dan Lupa Akan Kesusahan Dan Kepayahan Kitani Sebelum Ani.. =)

True To The Bone!
RicHteR